


How Not to Cope With a Failed Apocalypse

by Kaz3313



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: But just a mention of it, Gen, Global Warming, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:21:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23867446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaz3313/pseuds/Kaz3313
Summary: Everyone who wanted the end of the world to happen is dealing with it in their own way.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	How Not to Cope With a Failed Apocalypse

**Author's Note:**

> My Girlfriend and I were making jokes and this idea came out <3 She's the best inspiration and motivation. She's been helping me not only through my writing but also this quarantine. And this may be very very silly, but I dedicate this to her

It was about eleven years since an angel and demon drank for a solid six hours, to cope with the birth of the Anti Christ, that two angels took the same type of method themselves. Not that either wanted to imitate the Traitors in any such way (not that either knew of their frequent drinks), it was just the kind of coincidence that caused an Ineffable being to chuckle to Herself. 

Gabriel hated any type of food or drink but the failed Apocalypse, along with the Trial of Aziraphale (who miraculously survived), he was too frazzled to even consider his usual standards. Sandalphon, on the other hand, had once been a human (not that he acted like it, human had long been a foreign concept) and was not opposed to drinking. So drink after drink after drink, came and went.

“Those humans,” Gabriel began to say as he stood up, however when his sight began to blur and the Heavens themselves spun he sat back down. He was almost worried, but the art of his mind that would’ve expressed that concern was silent. “They talk about how the world will end all the time- Maybe we should take those ideas and implement them next time. So we can, can, actually do it. So it happens. I don’t want a repeat of this time- this time sucks! I don’t like it, one bit.”

Gabriel definitely didn’t like this alcohol. It made every word harder to pronounce, harder to actually even to get his thoughts together to form his impeccable sentences. It was annoying but in the same vein the drink itself was warm so he continued to sip it. It was a vicious cycle, not that he’d fully processed that yet.

“Thing is, they're all concerned about global warming. I don’t get it, in fact I think for humans it’d be terrific! There’s more death with cold weather then with warm weather so if it’s warm the worst is they’ll get a tan,” Sandalphon reasoned and Gabriel nodded along.

“So, we should make the Earth cold. Global colding, and then we can start the war? Just need more snow, someone can make that. That’s pretty simple,” Gabriel added on. He starts to think that they could do it now and just be over with. 

Then again those stupid Traitors would get in the way, and ruin everything. Stupid Azirapale, and his stupid demon too. And that they were immune to Hellfire and Holywater was even worse. It didn’t even make sense! It wasn’t as though Aziraphale was a demon or Crowley was an ang-

Something, very momentarily, began to click. However, with everything foggy and no way these thoughts would ever be reproduced when he was sober, they were just out of reach. Similar to when you wake up from a rough night, and you know your dream was disturbing but interesting yet you only get brief flashes. This is, until you fully wake and except for the feeling that something unsettling was present, you can’t remember anything. If pressed enough you could make out something but Gabriel wouldn’t press instead putting it to the back of his mind. It would be embarrassing later anyway, letting himself go and indulge in Earthly pleasures of all things.

********************************************************************************************************************************************** 

Angels weren’t the only ones troubled by the turn of events. In Hell, Beelzebub’s office was inhabited by the Lord of Flies but also a very annoying Duke.

“Became Native, shoulda seen it a mile away!” Hastur had done this ever since Crowley’s trial and while Beelzebub would just shove him out of their office they didn’t want him being a mess in front of the other demons. Just because Beelzebub looked down on Hastur didn’t mean the rest of Hell saw him that way. Most saw him as a fierce ruthless duke; which he still was but he’d be harassed and then half the half of Hell that isn’t supposed to be on fire would be. 

“Yezz, Hastur,” If not for their slight buzz, that only acted up when they were under extreme stress, they were emotionless. It did no good being outwardly upset about the apoca-not. And yelling at Hastur, as tempting as it was, wouldn’t improve things either. Eventually this would pass, as all things do. If it was a few hundred years Beelzebub would wait. They were surrounded by screams of damned souls, what’s a coworker who’s droning on about his woes?

“He used Holy Water on Ligur-He hadn’t even done anything to him yet!” Hastur shouted and Beelzebub sank further into their chair. Even for demons, Hastur was terrible at picking up social cues so he went on. “And when we did give him what he deserved, it didn’t affect him! An’ he was splashing it around- Flash bastard!” 

Beelzebub only blinked in response. 

Hastur himself had never felt much besides anger and vengeance. He still felt both things, but found he was feeling something more. It was a pain by no visible weapon, but instead one that blossomed from deep loss. If he was a human being, talking through his problems, like he was, would be the best course of action. Unfortunately, even if Hastur was doing the “right” thing by talking didn’t mean it was any less frustrating. Especially for someone that considered himself cold hearted. Time would have to pass before he came to peace with the feeling as well, along with throwing things, trying to enact revenge, and setting a few things on fire. But for now, he was content with yelling in Beelzebub’s office. Peace came with shouting into an echo chamber, even if it would be only temporary relief. 

***************************************************************************************************************************************************** 

Another demon in Hell who wasn’t happy one bit^ due to recent events was Dagon. She sat at her desk, papers she thought would never have to be dealt with, scattered about. Instead of cleaning it up right away she approached it like any other. Procrastination, and what better way then to be ‘busy’ on phone calls

^Most would argue that there are no happy demons, however that is untrue. The happiest demon was bundled up in a tartan blanket as he watched his angel talk about a new restaurant they should try.

“Michael, I saw him sobbing. It’s not only annoying, it’s embarrassing. Hastur doesn’t even know how to sob properly, he hasn’t figured out tears right, so half the time he just sets something on fire,” Like always, back-channels were easily accessible. And at times like these, they were overused. After all, even angels and demons needed a place to complain and if it was to their own enemies? Well, then you could twist it and say you were trying to bore the opposition. 

“Not as bad as what I’m facing,” Michael insisted “This is Gabriel’s first time drunk. He thinks I don’t know, but it’s glaringly obvious when he can barely get out of his seat.” Dagon snorted and Michael couldn’t but laugh themself.

“He’ll be fun in the morning,” That caused more laughter between the two. 

It was funny, despite all this fuss about a war it seems so much nicer without it. Someone smiles, as She always is smiling in one way or another. Wasn’t this better than worthless fighting? Wasn’t it nicer to hear laughter? To try new things? Even grief, something that wasn’t felt before, was nicer than a war that could only bring pain. 

Whether things were part of the unexplainable plan or if She let them choose their path, it didn’t matter. The world would continue to spin because of an act of overwhelming love; while other angels and demons, despite themselves, would be caught in a grey area of finding out their enemies aren't so different from themselves.


End file.
